Don’t know what’s wrong

Maybe i need to start writing on here more , sharing my stuff . I feel like I’ve hit a real low , no reason for it . I have everything I need , I have full custody of my kids , I’m clean and sober and yet in the last hour I feel like I’ve fallen into a dark hole .

I’m sure it’ll pass soon , but it’s shocked me . I’m looking for a new job , maybe that’s it , maybe it’s loneliness , I’ve been single nearly 4 years now , and after my ex and the dreadful experience of that relationship , maybe I’m scared or just plain ugly .

I just don’t know ……

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It’s been ages 

I really should have written a new blog ages ago but things have been crazy !! 

Hopefully I can give a few people some hope, 5 months ago I got full custody of my kids , my wife’s attempts at alienation and false allegations finally back fired on her . I’ll try to blog more .

One love 

Big Day

Today I have a meeting with social services to find out if they back me for custody of my children . It’s been a long road to get this far , dogged by my drug and alcohol addiction, being falsely arrested and facing homelessness , but I’ve got this far. I’m feeling very anxious because if I’m not backed the kids go in care , I couldn’t live with myself if that happened !! Trying to keep myself mentally busy until the meeting . I was hoping by blogging it it might help, doesn’t appear to be 😀

I am 10 months clean and sober and I’ve turned my life around with the help of God , but will it be enough?! 

Custody Battle

sorry it’s been so long since I’ve blogged , I’ll try to get back into the swing of things . So much has happened, the main thing is that social services are looking at me for full custody of my children. I’m now 9.5 months clean and sober and life is amazing. I see my kids 3 or 4 times a week and have just had a weeks holiday with them. 

It’s been a lot of work , drug tests , councilling , risk assessments but I’m getting close now. I’m no longer the problem. 

Will write more soon , God bless 

Loving The Addict/Alcoholic

Is probably one of the hardest things anyone can do. I’m an addict and alcoholic , albeit in recovery , but I’ve put everyone who loves me through so much pain and anguish. 

I’ve also been in love with an alcoholic and that is a test I wouldn’t recommend, however by the time we find out it’s normally too late. Love can’t just be switched off , however much you might want to. My ex is currently fighting the disease of alcoholism and she’s doing really well , and she’s doing it without medication or hospital care, it’s amazing to see someone coming back to life, I hope she makes it.

For families of alcoholics/addicts it must be heart breaking , seeing your child or brother or sister , slowly committing suicide in front of your eyes . It’s only getting clean that has allowed me to see the real damage I done in my active addiction , it’s going to take a very long time to heal.

If I could give anyone advice , I would say , let the addict or alcoholic hit rock bottom, you can’t save them, trying to save them could kill them.

God bless

Meeting My Wife

After 7.5 months I’ve just seen my wife again, first she called and then we met. When we first spoke on the phone she said she was sober and working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous , it soon became apparent she’s not. Her drinking is like mine was 7 years ago , chaotic and unmanageable !! I feel for her but she needs to have the desire to stop and I don’t think she’s quite there yet. 

I can’t have any contact with her while she’s not sober, it frightens me, if I could save her I would but I’m not God . I pray so hard that she finds the power to get a day sober and that she’s able to then keep adding days , just as I’ve done. 

I’m sitting here writing this scared she will kill herself , I know I’m powerless over her , but our kids adore her so much and need their mum. I don’t know what else to write but if you read this and you have a prayer life , please pray that she gets sober.

God bless