Loving The Addict/Alcoholic

Is probably one of the hardest things anyone can do. I’m an addict and alcoholic , albeit in recovery , but I’ve put everyone who loves me through so much pain and anguish. 

I’ve also been in love with an alcoholic and that is a test I wouldn’t recommend, however by the time we find out it’s normally too late. Love can’t just be switched off , however much you might want to. My ex is currently fighting the disease of alcoholism and she’s doing really well , and she’s doing it without medication or hospital care, it’s amazing to see someone coming back to life, I hope she makes it.

For families of alcoholics/addicts it must be heart breaking , seeing your child or brother or sister , slowly committing suicide in front of your eyes . It’s only getting clean that has allowed me to see the real damage I done in my active addiction , it’s going to take a very long time to heal.

If I could give anyone advice , I would say , let the addict or alcoholic hit rock bottom, you can’t save them, trying to save them could kill them.

God bless

Meeting My Wife

After 7.5 months I’ve just seen my wife again, first she called and then we met. When we first spoke on the phone she said she was sober and working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous , it soon became apparent she’s not. Her drinking is like mine was 7 years ago , chaotic and unmanageable !! I feel for her but she needs to have the desire to stop and I don’t think she’s quite there yet. 

I can’t have any contact with her while she’s not sober, it frightens me, if I could save her I would but I’m not God . I pray so hard that she finds the power to get a day sober and that she’s able to then keep adding days , just as I’ve done. 

I’m sitting here writing this scared she will kill herself , I know I’m powerless over her , but our kids adore her so much and need their mum. I don’t know what else to write but if you read this and you have a prayer life , please pray that she gets sober.

God bless

My Children

I miss my kids every waking moment , I have them once a week just for a few hours and it’s so hard when they go back , the thing is if I had them more I might not be able to work my drug recovery as hard as I do. So at the moment it’s helping me , I have to see it that way, God will put them in my life more when I’m ready. 

Recovering from drug addiction is hard but I’m clean and free from that awful way of life, I haven’t had to spend thousands hiding in hospitals or treatment centres that rarely work , I’ve done it front line , I’ve had all types of stuff thrown at me , including false accusations and arrest, not once did I think of using , God is in my life and I’m safe and protected. Recovery is possible , you just have to want it.

God bless

What A Day

It’s been a great day for me today , firstly I had it confirmed that I’m seeing my kids this Sunday at home , which is also my birthday , what a great present. This afternoon I spent a few hours with my kids and my mum and dad , it was a great day.

My eldest told me my ex is back in hospital which is obviously hard , especially on the kids. I truly hope she can get the support she needs and soon. The boys wanted to throw money in the wishing well today and after my middle child whispered what he wished for, he said he wished mummy and daddy were together , it absolutely broke my heart , it hit me how much it has effected my kids , we had a good cry together. 

I feel free and happy tonight , I realise how much I miss my wife and I’m ok with that.

God bless

Received A Letter From My Wife

Today I received a letter from my ex , it’s sort of bitter sweet !! It was lovely to hear from her on one hand but on the other hand it sounds like she’s really going through a tough time. I feel pretty helpless as I have no way of contacting her and if I did I’m not sure if I should. She asks for help but how can I help?! I would love to speak to her but I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do or even if it would help. All I can really do Is pray for her. Maybe she’ll call me and I can see if I can help. 

I do realise I still love her but I don’t think we can ever be together , we’re not allowed to be for a start, there’s things that need sorting that’s for sure. So all in all I’m confused , seems to be my normal at the moment. If she read this I suppose I’d say “call me if you need to”

God bless