I feel so alone right now , it’s because I’ve had the boys and my wife back in my life and now they’re gone again, not forever I know but these lonely nights are killing me.
I’ve just got out of hospital from another overdose attempt , it appears I’m not too good at it! I feel mentally very ill right now and very fragile , I can’t see positives , I know they are there but I can’t shake this damn depression. It’s deeper than I have ever experienced . I never really thought of myself as ill before but I do now , I also feel like everybody is trying to avoid me , like I have the plague or something , I’m ill in my head but you can’t see it so it doesn’t exist right?! Let me tell you I’m in pain , a mental pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone but I’ll keep fighting , too much to lose.
I love my wife and kids more than anything
God bless , please reach out if you think you can help
Well my wife is doing very well , on her third day of detox which is usually the hardest. I took two of the boys to see her today which she found really hard , she looks well and is in good spirits , a bit spaced out with the medication but otherwise ok.
I have moved in with her mum and dad today to keep the boys together , I’m currently still trying to get them to bed , not easy!!
It’s strange how life can change so quickly only a few weeks ago I had no idea where they were and now I’m living with them and supporting my wife through an alcohol and drugs detox , I tried my best to hate her but deep down I love her more than anything on this planet (apart from my kids – but that’s a different type of love ) I’m missing her but I don’t want her out until she is safe to do so.
Well my wife has gone in to be detoxes from drink and drugs , it’s a long time coming but finally she was admitted yesterday . First she did her utmost to ruin my birthday , she did very well and once she sobered up I said she had to go in or get out . I’m proud of how she reacted , she took herself to A&E and insisted in a bed in the mental health ward, I’ve spoken to her today and she is doing well and in good spirits.
I’m going to be moving in with her mum and dad so that we can share the care of the boys , how my life has changed in this last 6 months is incredible , nothing surprises me these days. I sold the house today too so if all goes well we are set up for a fresh start and we’re thinking maybe another country might be nice , I’m not sure as we really need to take things a day at a time.
Life is moving forward
Really not getting the time to write much here lately , things are very hard at the moment. , my wife’s drinking is escalating and I just can’t find anybody to help . I’m doing my best to keep my family together but I will have to give her an ultimatum soon , it’s too much for me to look after my kids and her , the kids have to come first , the anger that comes with her drinking is horrific.
What do I do !? I feel like I’m caught in a trap, I can’t just abandon her but I can’t help her either. Feel confused and scared .
It’s been a while since my last blog but I just haven’t got time to blog, my wife’s drinking is out of control , I’ve tried to get her to stop , and she says she wants to stop but it just isn’t working , if she hasn’t got money she steals it , I just can’t help her anymore . Tomorrow she is going to try to get into treatment, it’s the only option left , without a drink she is like the devil with a drink she is the same , she needs medical help and I feel she needs to be removed from society to stand a chance of getting sober.
She managed a day sober yesterday but today she is drinking and drinking hard , tonight will be hell for me as her usual drunken anger comes out. Time to prepare for the onslaught .
So we’ve decided to detox my wife at home !! It’s going to be tough I think but she needs to get sober and after a big binge yesterday it’s time for her to get well.
She’s beaten , finally she realises that she’s an alcoholic , it’s never easy to admit but shes got there .
We looked at all other options and felt that home detox would be best for all but I think it will be a very bumpy ride, I’ve also got to consider my sobriety , balancing my meetings the kids her meetings and her detox will take it’s toll on all of us I’m sure , we’re ready to take this challenge on . How things change , I wouldn’t of dreamt a few weeks ago that I would be detoxing my wife in my house but here we are , gods work ? I hope so! My will ? I hope not ! This decision has not been taken lightly , I hope it’s right , I’m a bit scared but don’t know what else to do , if it works there’s a good chance of my family staying together , if it doesn’t …………
Getting less time to blog these days as my family starts to come back into my life , I have my two eldest staying tonight and they’re both asleep so I’m going to sleep too, my middle son is right next to me sleeping quietly so peaceful , he is the one that has been effected the most and is very moody at times , he will get better in time .
It’s hard at the moment as my wife is only a few yards away at her mums and I would dearly like her here, she would like that too, the problem is we’ve hurt a lot of people in this process and we need to put that right !! How we do that I’m not too sure , I pray for guidance and I’m sure I’ll receive the answers .
One big breakthrough is my mother in law is speaking to me which is a surprise we haven’t spoken for months , so progress is being made , it will come right in gods time. I’m shattered so off to sleep , thanks for having faith when I had none.
I’ve not had time to write the last few days because things have been manic , what with social services and my wife’s arrest I’ve not had time.
Well things are settling down , my wife is back on track and social services appear to be pleased with everything I’m doing, I’ve got another assessment in about an hour and if that goes well I should get the ok to have the kids more.
I’ve had the kids all weekend and it’s been amazing , I forgot how tiring it is looking after the 3 of them. My wife stayed a couple of nights too and we slipped back into family mode very quickly so today it’s quite tough as they’ve all left apart from my middle boy and I’ve only got him for a bit longer , I almost forgot they were going back , it’s hitting me quite hard but I’m very grateful for the time I’ve had.
So good news , my wife has been released without charge , and hopefully she is the right kind of broken now to finally give in and surrender to this fatal illness , it’s harsh but us addicts and alcoholics usually have to go right to the very bottom before finally saying I give up time for recovery .
So maybe this time my wife’s journey will begin , it’s a long daily journey to a life beyond our wildest dreams. Remember when I came in I had no wife , no kids and no hope , today I have all 3 and more , the serenity I sometimes have is beautiful . I still have no money but I have enough It’s been said if you’re satisfied and grateful you have everything well right here right now which is all we have I have both , I’m blessed to be clean and sober and I hope I can walk side by side with my wife as we trudge the road to happy destiny.
Well last night my wife was arrested!! Arrested for assaulting another woman in the refuge and although this now proves what I’ve been saying all along , that I’m innocent I’m really not happy , I don’t like thinking of her being locked up , she’ll be scared.
She was drunk when it happened , this is not normal behaviour for her that’s for sure, the disease of addiction is on her and anyone who is an addict will understand how powerful that is. I hope this is the rock bottom for her to take recovery seriously , please pray for my broken family.
I’m so anxious as I am getting very little information about my kids or my wife , I’m thankful that I have remained clean and sober abs hope I can look after my kids while she gets help , struggling to write this as very emotional.