Yes diving …… Today I went diving with my girlfriend and what an escape from the madness going on in my head sometimes , the addict is alive today but it won’t get me , I’m inna beautiful country with the most amazingly beautiful girl ever … Just not sure what she’s doing with me.
I’m one dive off my Padi and will do that one day over the next two weeks , quite a lot of theory involved but worth it to be able to dive anywhere in the world .
I went to my first overseas AA meeting last night which was good , just nice to be in a meeting , around likeminded people. It’s tough not seeing my kids but that will change and until then I’ll sit it out in the sun , it’s supposed to be 34c tomorrow so just going to chill in the sun and eat , trying to put on 10 kilos while I’m here so food food and more food for me, for today I feel I drowned my addiction , pretty sure it’ll be back tomorrow so will need to be strong again.
Tonight I’m sitting outside the temperature is 28c and I have a beautiful lady by my side , beating addiction in the sun
Well the removal people are here and in a way I feel a little emotional , just got to try to look forward , it’s a new start and this last 8 months has been hell , addiction and alcoholism has battered my family , I never thought there would be any hope but there is and that’s a miracle .
Feel a bit stressed and just want to shut the door on this part of my life. There will be a lot of money in my account today which could be a bit dangerous for an addict so tonight it’s a meeting for me.
This morning I have the packers in for my move tomorrow! I’ve been out this morning to the dentist for root canal work , not pleasant but has to be done. Soon I’m off for a meeting with social services and then back to the dentist for new teeth!! By new teeth I mean that due to my addictions I’ve lost 3 bottom teeth and I’m finally getting a plate today , doesn’t sound very exciting but for me as the teeth are at the front it’s made me very conscious of them so getting the new ones will hopefully give me some self confidence back.
Sitting waiting for my youngest son to go down for a minor operation this morning , it’s only a small operation but he’s 3 so me and his mum are quite anxious , he however is playing and has no idea what’s coming.
What a week , social services meeting Monday , operation today , root canal treatment tomorrow and drug and alcohol testing and then move Friday .
Not much more you can throw at me really.
My son has had his operation and all is well , he’s back home with his brothers and mum and he’s happy .
Well we started to pack the house up for the move on Friday , the amount of empty cocaine bags was quite shocking really. Just very glad to not live like that anymore, a day at a time I will beat addiction and alcoholism . I’m 6 years without a drink and quite a way from my last drugs relapse. I’m well aware that I’m only an arms length from a relapse but if I keep my prayer life and meetings up I know I’ll be ok.
Sorry for rambling but I’ve got lots of my mind , God bless
What a day, I’m exhausted. Feel very low for the first time in a while , the shear magnitude of my life and the lives of my family going forward from here feels too overwhelming to handle .
I will handle it though because I will fight to the bitter end to keep my family together, to be the dad I’m meant to be , to be the son I should be , I’m not going to give up , it’s just been an emotional day but lots of positives too.
This week I’m moving ( Friday ) but I haven’t found anywhere to live yet , that’s stressing me out and also I have a very painful shoulder injury , add that lot together and I can see why I feel low, tomorrow’s a new day.
Feeling very anxious this morning . Today we have a social services meetings with both our families , this is to discuss the future for our 3 children , I’m scared the meeting will descend into arguments and historical finger pointing .
I feel quite sick and I’ve not slept well at all, just got to keep my side of the street clean , try not to react to anything negative , praying hard for the strength to rise above it .
Sometimes actions speak louder than words . I’ve caused a lot of damage in my using and drinking career and have always verbally said I’ll do this and that to make it better but never gone through with it . Basically I’ve talked the talk and not walked the walk.
Without really noticing I’ve been putting in the action lately and things are changing for me , I’ll still have to do direct amends to the people I’ve hurt but for now just staying clean and sober and being a productive human being is helping rebuild relationships I never thought could be repaired. Today I feel the best mentally and spiritually than I’ve felt for a very long time , there’s still a hell of a long road ahead but at least I’m on the right road.
When I’m working my 12 step program ( I don’t just mean staying clean and sober , I mean working it in my daily life) it’s no real surprise that things start to get better for me.
I’m more approachable , and surprise surprise I see my kids a lot more. My wife and I are getting on better than we ever have done , we have accepted we are just friends that love each other !!! So life today is good , I have a bit of fear as the house will soon be sold and to all intents and purposes I’ll be homeless, I’m sure that will resolve itself :)
That’s all really god bless